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Songs Dad Won’t Let Me Sing – Stuck With Green

Release Date: September 21, 2014
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About this album

Take a fun ride into the zany bizarre musical world of Stuck With Green. Think Beck meets Frank Zappa, Nine Inch Nails meet Andy Samberg, Prodigy with a Saturday Night Live sense of humor. Life is full of hardships...let’s not make it harder on ourselves. Let’s have some fun, and here’s the music to have some fun to!
Stuck With Green & Evan Zappa have been collaborating on both wild and zany satirical comedy and profoundly serious electronic industrial mayhem for the past 6 years. In 2014, their uniquely creative synergy resulted in the release of Songs Dad Won’t Let Me Sing, a mix of novelty, comedy and experimental-electronic music released through Starburst Music Publishing. In 2016, the pair hooked up again to release Dull Unconscious Man, a significantly more serious initiative. With thunderous electronic industrial madness, D.U.M. questions the very essence of changes to the human condition in the digital age, including Nathaniel Jones’ brilliant remix of the album’s title song poking a thoughtful and humorous stick within the very eye of politics encompassing disrespect that both Trump evangelists and ultra-left wing liberals will applaud.

Lyrics

Puke

I just may suck down a cigar
When time to celebrate
I just may behave quite bizarre
And dress for “fashion-gate”

If “Nerdy” is new normal
Education is the cure
Reporters make it formal
Acting so demure

(chorus)

Diarrhea and throw up
They make me want to puke
Perhaps I should just shut up
Before I get rebuked
Oh please don’t make me clean up
These fluids on the floor
Diarrhea and throw up
They make me want to puke

Janitors are heroes
Orderlies are pros
Crime scene techs in chinos
Mopping up man’s woes

From first grade to the last
The memories of our lives
Crossing culture class
Somehow we all survive

(chorus)

Diarrhea and throw up
They make me want to puke
Perhaps I should just shut up
Before I get rebuked
Oh please don’t make me clean up
These fluids on the floor
Diarrhea and throw up
They make me want to puke

(bridge)

I’m gagging through this scenery
I must regurgitate
Spread absorbent greenery
How can this be my fate?
It’s grossly underrated
Disturbance to the max
This mess that’s been created
Reflex my gag at last!

(chorus)

Diarrhea and throw up
They make me want to puke
Perhaps I should just shut up
Before I get rebuked
Oh please don’t make me clean up
These fluids on the floor
Diarrhea and throw up
They make me want to puke

Mi Fiesta Es Su Fiesta

Los ninos are efeuda laughing and a playing on their big wheels
All of mi hermanas are cooking in the kitchen for the big meal
Paparayanas y yuca
Pan y montequilla
Cafe con leche
Arroz y mucho carne
Excuse my Spanish diction
But this story isn't fiction, it's the real deal

Mi fiesta es su fiesta
Todos aqui es my familia
Mi fiesta es su fiesta
Bailamos, con mi familia
Mi fiesta es su fiesta
Todos aqui es mi familia
Mi fiesta es su fiesta
Vamanos, fumarlo amigo

Oye, be quiet, mi padre wants to pray before we pig out
Thank the Lord for family and food, it's what the good life is all about
Mis hermanos, hermanas
Mi tios y tias
Mi primos y primas
Abuelos, Abuelas
There's room here at the table
You can be part of this fable but it's gonna get loud

Arroz con pollo
No pollo!
Queremos carne de pig, man!

Half & Half

My breasts so large, they’re so sexy, the men will gawk and stare
My butt is firm, my legs are sleek, I like it when I’m bare
I’m shopping for a tighter skirt these heels are just genius
My panties are so very tight, they hold my huge penis
(chorus)
I’m halfway there, well on my way, I’ll get there soon I know
This journey to become myself really begins to show
But during this interim time I’m straddling the line
I’m half woman and half a man, got some of yours and mine

The doctor says the final cut will really do the trick
A nip and tuck, a pull and tug, will do the final kick
I’m saving everything I got to get me to the place
Where I can finally feel at home inside with perfect grace

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)
No longer trapped, I took a stance to really set me free
Who gives a shit whether or not I stand or sit to pee!

(repeat chorus)

Loyal Compadre

A little bit quirky and a lot bizarre
Will you be my friend?
Transparency is hard for me
Will you be my friend?
My life keeps spinning all around
I just need a friend
I called my family shrink and found
I just need a friend

(chorus)

A friend in need is a friend indeed, companionship’s the best
A band aid please to stop this bleed from deep inside my chest
I’m searching high I’m searching low, my quest will never rest
A friend in need, a friend indeed, companionship’s the best!

It's hard to meet new people here
Will you be my friend?
So much change there's much to fear
Will you be my friend?
I'm falling in a dark abyss
I just need a friend
The bonds of friendship that I miss
I just need a friend

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)

Loyal, loyal, loyal, loyal compadre
Best bud of mine
Most kind & friendly host
Its you I need to find!
Loyal, loyal, loyal, loyal compadre
Best bud of mine
Most kind & friendly host
Its you I need to find!

(repeat chorus)

She Dumped Me On Facebook

Unlike busy bees making honey
We kept on fighting over money
I thought true love would conquer all the hating
But I passed out when I found her declaration of our separating

She dumped me on Facebook
Her profile picture cut out my face
Now her status is connected to a rich dude
With a Corvette and a mansion bigger than MySpace

Now I follow all her twittering
Read the discussion she is triggering
It's not a crime to doubt true love from time to time
But she could've said it to my face before she posted it online

Fish and Tackle

Fish and tackle shop
Right down by the sea
Business of my own
Since I was twenty-three

Help to bait the hooks
For sport fishermen
Expert at my craft
Time and time again

Chorus
I’m a master baiter
I know how it’s done
Crafty nimble hands
Four fingers and a thumb
Practice does make perfect
Never wait till later
Watch me with this one
I’m a master baiter

Learned from my old man
He was an expert
Mom helped him sometimes
When his fingers hurt

My wife refuses though
She can’t stand the feel
Slimy worms and such
Reminds her of an eel

Chorus #2
I’m a master baiter
With advanced degree
Can do it in my sleep
Both hands working free
Practice does make perfect
Better now than later
Come watch me sometime
I’m a master baiter

BRIDGE
Some day I’ll retire
Many years from now
Sell to someone new
Then I’ll show them how

Chorus #3
I’m a master baiter
I know how it’s done
Crafty nimble hands
Four fingers and a thumb
Practice does make perfect
Never wait till later
Watch me with this one
I’m a master baiter
I’m a master baiter
I’m not the only one
Just feels so darn good
When I’m almost done
I do it every day
Never wait till later
Smiling all the way
I’m a master baiter

Digitus Impudicus

Since ancient times
It’s meant so much
freedom of speech
and such and such

its off your chest
and so well said
thru centuries
that’s why it spread

Chorus
Digitus Impudicus
Is how I feel about you
Digitus Impudicus
And you deserve it too!
What better way to set things straight
And state one’s moral view
Digitus Impudicus
Its how i feel bout you

Highway Salute
and so astute
this special sign
is such a hoot

In Ancient Rome
its origin
Greek Comedy
and with a grin!

CHORUS

BRIDGE
And that my friend
a special way
to state your case
then go away!

CHORUS

The Pimp Slap Song

I love my little lady
There's no debating that
But when we disagree
I need reflexes like a cat
She'll put you in a headlock
She'll strike below the belt
If you're highly sensitive
It won't be any help
So if you're in a corner
Take these simple steps
There's a likely chance
It will result in angry sex
Be careful what you do
Be careful what you say
If you set her off
You'll need to take a stand this way

Move to the left
Swerve to the right
SERPENTINE
Then pimp-slap yo bitch!

Don't provoke a beating
Till you hide all pots and pans
Canned foods, silverware
Are all deadly weapons
Use the metal trash can
For body armor too
Cover vital organs
It's the least that you should do
Sometimes it gets physical
She moves fast like a blur
I put on my boxing gloves
My mouthpiece is secure
Practice on your speed
Or you assuredly will lose
Make your defense better
With one offensive move

Move to the left
Swerve to the right
SERPENTINE
Then pimp-slap da bitch!

Big Cock of the Henhouse

VERSE ONE:
The sun is arising
They're all feminizing
Clucking and clacking as they do
They're all bending over
Now I've got me a boner
It's time for my cock-a-doodle-do

PRE-CHORUS:
Feeling it build in my chest
It sets me apart from the rest
These chicks need a man at the break of day
I got your worm in this physique
Slapping your feathers like a freak
I'll have you squealing and a squalling in this Hen Chalet

CHORUS ONE:
I'm da big cock of dis here Henhouse
I'm da big cock of dis abode
I'm da big cock of dis here Henhouse
Can you handle this big rooster load?
So don't be making fun of what's hanging under my beak
Spread your feathers let me feast on your chicken pink
Don't be troubling the chicks of this rooster shiek
Cuz what happens underneath that chicken blouse
Rests upon da big cock of dis here henhouse!

VERSE TWO:
Love the way this chick's strutin
My egg-chasers needs adjustin
As I watch you pickup worms from the ground
Bend you over that trough
For my big rooster payoff
Feathers will be flying all around

PRE-CHORUS:
Feeling it build in my chest
It sets me apart from the rest
These chicks need a man at the break of day
I got your worm in this physique
Slapping your feathers like a freak
I'll have you squealing and a squalling in this Hen Chalet

CHORUS TWO:
I'm da big cock of dis here Henhouse
I'm da big cock of dis abode
I'm da big cock of dis here Henhouse
Can you handle this big rooster load?
So don't be making fun of what's hanging under my beak
Don't be troubling the chicks of this rooster sheik
Cuz what happens underneath that chicken blouse
Rests upon da big cock of dis here henhouse!

CHORUS THREE:
I'm da big cock of dis here Henhouse
I'm da big cock of dis abode
I'm da big cock of dis here Henhouse
Can you handle this big rooster load?
So don't be making fun of what's hanging under my beak
Don't be troubling the chicks of this rooster sheik
Cuz what happens underneath that chicken blouse

Never Felt This Way

She likes to play and bring some friends
Cloud nine is home indeed
More than one hand grabs the stick
Shifting to full speed
Would you like to keep the pace?
I gladly will oblige
Just lift the hood and this upgrade
To love life modified

(chorus)

Ejaculation Flagellation
Only way to play
Anticipation, Syncopation
Must this be the way?
Liberation Hibernation
Never felt this way
Ejaculation Flagellation
Only way to play!
Smells like putty and looks like wax
Candelabra time
Liberace saw the way
Twinkle-ling the chimes
Play in Vegas, Stay in Vegas
Unbutton my shirt
Scrub the vases, let’s trade places
Let’s remove your skirt!

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)

Pay two dollar, make you holler
Pay two dollar, make you holler
Pay two dollar, make you holler
Pay two dollar, make you holler
You’ll be mine tonight
Hold my collar, I’ll stand taller
Be obscene delight!

(repeat chorus)

Under the Bus

Guarded lives, splintered knives
Fractured tortured souls
Festering fears, haunted tears
Teach but can’t console

Betrayal Portrayal
Thought your were my friend
Incestuous Contemptuous
Now we find the end

(chorus)

Under the bus without no fuss
Thrown within my prime
Hung out to dry so I can die
My old life left behind
You snitched on me now you’re set free
Only concern your own
Under the bus without no fuss
Its here that I been thrown!

Contextual confessional
Here comes my only sin
Maniacal Societal
Its here that I’ll begin

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)

My life is a menagerie
Of corpus Christos pain
A study in anatomy
Of nothing left to gain

(repeat chorus)

Poop Gets On My Hand

Been trained since very young
Follow all the rules
My etiquette’s correct
My mom didn’t raise no fools

Supplies are all in order
The chamber room correct
And yet sometimes results
Leave me with such regret

Chorus
Though wipe i do with care
And always use two ply
Mistakes now and again
Can leave me asking why
A horrible event
I really cannot stand
Its makes me sick to death
When poop gets on my hand

My Lord what shall I do
With wiping not complete
Yet wash my hands I must
I’m stuck in incomplete

The sink too far away
Yet look what’s on my hand!
Good Lord I feel I’ll die
I cannot let this stand

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Sometimes life just aint fair
With troubles more than few
But this just makes me gag
Or Lord don’t let me spew
Invest some extra time
To make the perfect square
The moment of truth
Must execute
And wipe with extra care

CHORUS

500 Pounds

Weight of the world is on my back
The stress is way too much
My family says I’m just a hack
They call me such and such

I cannot find a lifetime mate
The lonelies have attacked
Got to create a whole new fate
Remove this gunny sack

(chorus)

I’m gonna lose 500 pounds
I’m willing it to be
I’m gonna sing 1000 songs
Achieve my liberty
I’m gonna find my inner child
He’s hiding there in me
I’m gonna lose 500 pounds
It simply has to be!

Contestable this festival
The clowns of life surround
Delectable this spectacle
Of dogs who claim they’re hounds

The Holy Grail upon this trail
Of lifetime’s challenges
Now finds new winds to set my sails
Upon what balances

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)

Crystal bells and chandeliers
Adorn this fabled place
Yet nothing ever does compare
True love upon your face

(repeat chorus)

Jammies All Day

Yes I went to college
Got my 3rd Degree
Now I’m unemployed
Wondering what will be

Since I lost my job
Economy so bad
Stopped my worrying though
Bout things I never had

(pre-chorus)
In my jammies night and day
Lounging round the house
Becoming picture of granddad
Quiet like a mouse
Warm and snuggled
Hearth and home
Life of Mickey Mouse
In my jammies night and day
Lounging round the house

chorus
In my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies night and day
I'm in my jammies all day, all night and day!

Brave new world in here
‘Splorinside my mind
Losing touch our there
Social’s left behind

I can sleep & I can nap
Freedom is so grand
I can have a perfect snack
Just because I am!

(repeat chorus)

(bridge)
In my jammies, In my jammies
In my jammies, In my jammies

(repeat pre-chorus)

(repeat chorus)

Ain't No Sweat

Paws up on my jacket
Mud prints left behind
Chewing on my shoes
Saliva all the time
Shedding hair like mad
Dog you need a bath
100 pounds of love
Add wings upon my back

(chorus)
Ain't no sweat my new pet
Exactly what I need
In my heart you’re the best
Soul food yes indeed
Taking time in my prime
Comforting Godspeed
Ain't no sweat you’re the best
Soul food yes indeed

Close companionship
Tail wagging loyalty
Always glad to see
You and specially me!

(repeat chorus)
(bridge)
I walk the dog, the dog walks me
It’s really all the same
Out in the fog, down by the sea
This bond will never wane
(repeat chorus)

Big Black Balls

I have a Labradoodle
Oxford is his name
So regal in stature
He prances with a mane
Sized like a small pony
With hair of dirty blonde
There’s just one aspect of my pet
That strikes me as just wrong!
(chorus)
My doggy he has big black balls
That swing between his legs
They stand out ‘gainst his light blonde hair
Like two big Easter eggs
He’s proud of his anatomy
A king never reneges
My doggy he has big black balls
That swing between his hairy legs
He likes to hump my girlfriends
Every chance he gets
My trainer tried to cure him
But failed with deep regrets
I really hate to think
Of such a nasty fate
Handwritings on the wall
May just have to castrate
(repeat chorus)
(bridge)
Padunka Dunka do
Padunka Dunka dee
Dubba dubba doo dubba dubba dee
The Easter Bunny’s coming
Just you wait and see!
(repeat chorus)

Mr. Self Absorbed

You live your life oblivious don't even have a clue
Small minds can be dangerous unknowing what to do
You think you know it all have every answer down
Reality will soon step in and turn you all around

Chorus
Fuck you mister self absorbed
Stick this up your ass
Turn it 20 times around
Then plug it full of gas
I thought i saw a piece of shit
Splattering the place
Until i took a closer look
And saw it was your face

You've no idea you’ve got no clue, you sniveling piece of trash
The sum total of your brain is barely more than ash
I really have to catch my breath when you spout off your mouth
Proclaiming how to live our lives with all you’ve done turned south

Chorus
Fuck you mister self absorbed
Stick this up your ass
Turn it 20 times around
Then plug it full of gas
I thought i saw a piece of shit
Splattering the place
Until i took a closer look
And saw it was your face

BRIDGE
A face that even mom can’t love
A wicked nasty soul
Barbaric with no sense of grace
Here sit right on this pole
Chorus
Fuck you mister self absorbed
Stick this up your ass
Turn it 20 times around
Then plug it full of gas
I thought i saw a piece of shit
Splattering the place
Until i took a closer look
And saw it was your face

Maybe

Maybe if I wrap myself up tight in this Afghan
Snuggle up all warm and soft forgetting how its been
Maybe if I focus hard ignoring brutal truth
Let my mind start wandering back to my primal youth
(chorus)
Maybe if I slice these veins so nicely in a row
Hemorrhaging the ghastly pain to strike my bloody foe
Maybe if I jump the shark to exit in the night
Sleeping with the fishes while withholding breath and sight
Perspective is a dangerous thing to live inside the heart
Reflecting mortal fantasies unknowing where to start
Choosing to surrender hope is sometimes best for all
Delivering what cannot cope while rising to the call
(repeat chorus)
(bridge)
Not a single promise can restore what is no more
Let us just be honest sitting here beyond the door
Perception hides its strength when victory has lost its zeal
Mother Nature’s tempest roars the tiniest appeal
(repeat chorus)